Anger = Loss of Control

Anger occurs when you lose control.  Anger is driven by anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling of being vulnerable and helpless. It is our deepest hard-wired program to avoid the feeling of anxiety.  When a situation causes a feeling of anxiety, we exert some type of control to diminish it. When we lose or have no control, we then become angry in a final attempt to regain control.  General examples of anger-producing situations are:

  • Invasion of your boundaries
    • Boss
    • Bully
    • Spouse
  • Inability to meet your basic physical needs
    • Food
    • Water
    • Air
    • Sex
    • Freedom from pain
  • Inability to meet your basic psychological needs
    • Nurture and love
    • Protection
    • Be heard
    • Control of anxiety

While anxiety represents feelings of helplessness, anger is a powerful feeling that covers up the anxiety.  Anger is the most powerful role that a human can experience.  Anger results in action that can help regain control—whether the actions are admirable or not is a different discussion.  Even if it is not possible to regain control, anger allows you to feel like you are in control.  Anger is near impossible to give up.  Only by understanding how powerful and potentially destructive it can be will you be able to process and detach from it.  You will be able to experience a full, rich, and productive life.

For more on anger and control, see: